Friday, 14 April 2017




I attended a political rally which was to be addressed by one Joseph Ole - Lenku, somewhere in Kitengela. For those of you who live, sleep and eat outside Kenya, you may or may not be aware that this is an election year and politicians are striving to outdo each other in terms of spending money on campaigns as well as shouting at the top of their voices, urging every Tom, Dick and Harry to vote for them.

A number of buses on location gave the indication that some people must have been ferried from other far flung areas of Kajiado county, to attend the rally. From the way people were behaving, you could easily tell who had been paid to scream and dance and who had not been paid. Of course (I promise to stop using this word too often in my articles) those who were dressed in party colors and were singing and dancing must have been paid to do that. There is no free service nowadays. Even mourners get paid to mourn total strangers.

I picked six branded caps made of paper and rubber band, for the two young boys back in the house. I told them I had gotten the caps from Uhuru Kenyatta himself, just to improve my ratings in their eyes. A rating which usually drops whenever I do not provide yoghurt. Now the boys think I must be very tough to address the president himself and ask for paper caps. They do not know that if I was to personally meet the president, I would ask for a piece of land in Taita Taveta County, another one in Juja and three plots in Kajiado County; one in Kitengela, another one in Isinya and the last one in Ilbisil, where I will build a retirement home, just next to the home of Francis Atwoli, the guy who declared Musalia Mudavadi to be a Luhya elder. Who knows? He might declared me a 'maa' elder, amidst his shouts of 'Mushenzi'

The reason I left the political rally early was because the politicians were promising the same old things; that they will deal with the perennial water problems, that they will repair the roads, that they will construct the sewage system, that they will improve security. The most surprising  thing is that the citizens were very happy about the promises. They clapped and ululated with lots of excitement, every time a politician promised something, including paying school fees for their children. It seemed that the more ridiculous the promises were, the happier the people seemed to be.

I decide that if I ever wanted to be a politician, around Kitengela area (I know my chances are slim) I will arm myself with more than enough promises. I will promise to take all the dust in Kitengela to Arusha in Tanzania. I wonder whether Magufuli will accept that, bearing in mind that he is known to be a no nonsense president. I will promise that transportation will be free from Kitengela to Nairobi city during my reign as governor. Ofcourse, this promise will drive a lot of matatu drivers and owners out of jobs if implemented. It is actually a promise which not economically viable and an aspiring governor should not make such a stupid promise, but who cares? politically you thrive on promises, regardless of how rediculous theys are.

Do you want to hear more promises? Ofcourseyou do. I will promise to provide three course meals every day for five years, a promise which is likely to make a lot of peomple very lazy but again, who cares?

I will promise to treat every sick person at AgaKhan hospital but then, wouldn't that make AgaKhan hospital too congested, hence bringing down the quality of services? Is this promise even implementable?

Of course (oops! that word again) you already know that most of these promises are next to impossible to achieve but then, if elected, I will spend the next five years explaining why the promises could not be fulfilled and blame imaginary enemies of development, majorly the leaders of the opposition party for the failure, as I ask for my second term as governor.


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