WHY I COULD NOT DATE TRUPHENA

photo courtesy:http://http://www.jeffbullas.com/

Remember those days? No? Okey let me put it this way, do you remember those days when the only way to call a girl out of her home was by whistling or throwing a stone? Remember now huh! You had to be careful that the stone did not hit four common enemies of development, her mother, her younger brother, their dog and God forbid, her father.

I know some guys who were born yesterday are smiling thinking they know what I mean. Yes, I mean you guys who spell 'sasa' as 'xaxa'. Forget about nowadays, when you can easily SMS her or find her on facebook or twitter or whats-app. The possibilities are endless. Yes, life is easy for you guys who were born yesterday. You can throw her some pickup lines (or are they punchlines?) through facebook. And as if that is not enough 'emoticons' are there to help you open your heart to the object of your desire. And you object of desire probably goes by a borrowed name like 'Beyonce.'

Now that I have put you young men born yesterday in your place, allow me to speak about those days when my object of desire went by a borrowed name like 'Truphosa' or 'Truphena.' You literally had to go through tribulations to get her. Ahem!-- at this point I can refer you to the book of Revelations chapter----Okey I don't remember the chapter, Just go to page 1204 of your holy book.

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Allow me to begin with tribulation number one, so that you can get the picture of how difficult it was to get Truphena. There was always a nosy little brother, who was ready to sell you off to the headmaster of the family. Oh no! forget about the school headmaster. So the little brother, instead of behaving like a gentleman and concentrating on making toys or watching Rambo, he was always keen on knowing who was after his sister. You had to hate that young man. He was capable of saying this like, "Mum, that person who always calls Truphena has come again."  and pray that the headmaster of the family does not get wind of your presence.

And then there was that dog. Yes, an ill mannered dog, probably called 'Simba' or 'Tiger.' You were in trouble if he was to sniff you out as you hide in the bush, along the fence, near Truphena's home. This would most likely attract the attention of Truphena's loved ones.

One of those loved ones would probably be the man I have mentioned severally as the headmaster of the family - read father. He was the man to watch. He was always willing and ready to throw a club your way should he sniff out that you wanted to harass the morals of his daughter, and I mean, a big headed club or 'rungu' not the small headed one which 'Arap Moi' liked carrying around. 'Rungus those days looked ugly and had the capabilities of opening up your skull, unlike the decorated ones which we normally give to our politicians as we declare them elders.

So, picture this, you have been hanging around Truphena's home, evading any curious eyes, since twelve noon. You pray and believe that she will come so that you can 'pour' the romantic details in you heart, into her heart, hoping that it will have an impact.

She would later emerge at five o'clock, looking impatient. She almost hates you for endangering her life. She quickly tells you that she is rushing to the shops and that her mother would kill her if she finds out what is happening. You almost promise her that you will die for her, only to remember the kind of injuries her father could possibly inflict on you. She would not give you enough time to tell her what is in your heart.

You persist until she says, "Okey I will only give you two minutes." So you are preparing to capitalize on the two minutes, then you hear someone at their homestead asking,

"Mum, who is that talking to Truphena at the road?"

Ouch! It is that nosy little brother again. That spoilt brat whose main objective in life is to make other men miserable.

Truphena quickly runs to the shop as you dash into the bush to hide, lest her father finds you. From a distance, you hear her father swearing that he will kill somebody, and the somebody in question is probably you.

Any way, you have managed to hide, but you are left with sweet frozen words in your mouth. Words you rehearsed the whole night. You end up speaking to the trees as you hide and the trees seem to be mocking you and your sweet nothings.

You: Truphena, I will swim across lake Victoria, just for you.

Tree: Really? Don't you remember that last week you almost drowned at the river while swimming?

But you are not bothered. By now you are holding one of the tree tree trunks imagining it is Truphena.

You: My dear Truphena, if I had to cross a jungle full of lions, just to get to you I would do it.

Tree: Ahem!....Don't fool yourself man. If you are afraid of Simba the dog, what about real lions?

You: Truphena, you are the bone of my heart. The queen of my soul.

Tree: He he! If your biology teacher heard that, he or she would die of heart attack. Since when did the heart have bones?

From a distance, dark clouds are gathering. It will soon rain. It is also getting dark. It is time to go home. You walk back home a dejected man. You feel like Truphena's father is 'Babylon' the oppressor, who is always referred to in some reggae songs. You want to sing one of those reggae songs about 'Babylon' but you don't remember the lyrics. You want to remind 'Babylon' that one day, Haille Salassie, I and I will come to free you from bondage and take you to Ethiopia. Take heart brother, for such is life.